Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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