Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
