well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize