this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize