next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
