Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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