With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
