Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm really into asian looking animals
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
