He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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