Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
