Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
