we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
