i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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