i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
