Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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