My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
