your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
