if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
