I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize