You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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