Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
