remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
