you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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