My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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