Whod you bang
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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