Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
