If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Randomize
