If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
A+ Viking dick
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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