please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
