in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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