Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
