How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
