you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
