The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
