You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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