i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
