I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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