Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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