the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
