I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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