My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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