I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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