We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
