Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
