New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
