Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
