found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
