She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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