just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I believe in your delicious
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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