can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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