I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
