Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
