I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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