I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
pop tarts are not kleenex
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
