If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
