The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
