Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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